ࡱ> lTmOh+'0  4 @ L Xdlt|Connectednessoonn Ben SIllimanoen  Normal.dotn Ben SIllimano5n Microsoft Word 8.0@k@Cھ@@蒙Templates<@,@:i+00/C:\0՜.+,D՜.+,L hp  Information Technologyn"j Connectedness Title 6> _PID_GUIDAN{A2A4F9A5-465D-11D3-BF85-004033D905CE}:\0Connectedness Couple Growth Through Give-and-Take The energy and example of a strong couple relationship has positive effects far beyond partners and their families. Partners impact many persons who cross their paths, at all stages of the life cycle and in many settings, formal and informal, as individuals and as a pair. Friendships, work, and volunteer experiences also enrich and encourage couples growing together in community settings. Strong Marriage: A Circle of Influence Healthy, happy partnerships touch many lives for the better. Among those most likely to be impacted by them are Other couples--identifying with and assisting peers, mentor younger couples, or reach out to individuals and couples across the community Ex: marriage enrichment groups, informal help to friends, volunteerism to reach families facing disadvantage or distress Children's peers--listening, showing interest and accountability, modeling healthy partnership, and volunteering at youth events provides a caring adult, close to and critical for healthy youth development Ex: acceptance, interest, and assistance shown in informal settings such as friend visits, meeting at the Mall, transportation from school to youth events; volunteer leadership in youth organizations Neighborhood--involvement, permanence and belonging provide models of stability and activity for youth and parents moving in through the years Ex: Everyday and special stress friendships and assistance Social Support: Many Ways to Help Social support describes a variety of help and caring activities: Emotional support: companionship, reassurance, confidential listening, care Practical support: direct aid (loans, gifts); informal aid such as handyman help Informational support: information, advice, or feedback Cultivating Support Networks In a society of self-reliance, privacy, and mobility, support networks are difficult to create or sustain. Support networks tend to work best when they: Begin with simple, practical exchanges: car pooling or trading of time and talents make easier points-of-entry than weekly cook-outs or 24-hour crisis counseling Balance costs and benefits: especially at first, equity in practical help or depth of self-disclosure reinforces autonomy, privacy, and self-reliance Involve everyday settings: friendships or helping come easier when people share common needs and points-of-contact such as neighborhood, school, or commitment to a voluntary organization Benefit the couple: individual friendships or commitments may strengthen couple life by enriching individual capacity to give, offering fresh perspective, or offering resources that benefit both partners; they can also make demands or entail commitments which compete with couple time and goals How Much Support is about Right? Different personalities, circumstances, and stress demands determine how muchand what kindof support is enough for each couple. When external connections leave partners with little time for each other or foster dependency or low esteem, social networks produce more negative than positive results. Support Skills: How to be a Help and Get Help Appropriate support requires a variety of feedback responses, including: Empathic listening: most of the time, the most important ability to focus on anothers feelings and ideas in a way that conveys understanding and respect Reassuring and supporting: offering encouragement and expressing confidence in the other persons abilities and efforts reinforces their courage and conscience Questioning and probing: sometimes seeking for more information or insight (about issues or persons) helps in understanding or problem solving; if trust is established, questioning is seen as caring not as intrusion or criticism Analyzing or interpreting: at another persons invitation, analyzing may aid the problem-solving process; otherwise it sounds like judging or advice-giving Advising or Evaluating: very close friends may be able to offer advice with confidence, but most often persons want to evaluate events for themselves Developed by Ben Silliman, University of Wyoming Cooperative Extension Service Family Life Specialist 2Yf\l # 4 o LOP0:1112 333445r66778 9:;=b=JC CJOJQJOJQJ6CJOJQJ CJOJQJ5CJOJQJ5CJ/23Y\* # o  & Fh & F 8 h8 & F 8 h88 & F 8 h8$ @ 23Y\* # o   U LM0ļ~{sk  '  pqP}~     E    cd  O       d  g  (|0455r68HCJC & F 8 h8 & F & FQ7OPn l     Individual and couple involvement in the community can have beneficial or detrimental effects on partners and on the relationship. The effect depends, to a large extent, on the circumstances of the particular choices and activities. In general, activitie2Yf\l # 4 o LOP0:1112 333445r66778 9:;=b=JC|QQZ CJOJQJOJQJ6CJOJQJ CJOJQJ5CJOJQJ5CJ2|0455r68HCJCEENF:G*HIIIIIIIIIIJLN & F8 h8 & F 8 h8 & F & Fs should reflect a balance of individual and couple time. This combination (together doing the activities or separate, then at home working and playing together) includes individual work, play, and volunteerism--and relaxation--as well as couple routines, fun, and contributions. The rhythm of activity and togetherness will vary between couples and for each couple from one phase of life to another. "Promising signs" that involvement is working include Partners enjoy the rhythm of individual and couple time and feel that, for the most part, the balance is about right. Relationship intensity--balance of busy time and relaxed time keeps the stress (and problem-solving) levels about right Learning and meaning are high--when partners are learning about themselves, each other, new issues and abilities, gaining perspective on relationships, and fulfilling goals, involvement works Assessing involvement (continued) "Warning signs" that involvement is not working includePartners feel neglected, pressed for couple time, or out of touch with each other. Feeling like a friendship, activity, or volunteer event is an "escape" from home or feeling jealous of others for a partner's time indicates that there are person-to-person issues to work out& soon! Priority couple/family activities are not happening--chores are neglected, children's needs are unmet, financial or practical problems ensue at home. These problems might aris should reflect a balance of individual and couple time. This combination (together doing the activities or separate, then at home working and playing together)  [$@$NormalmH <@< Heading 1$@&5CJOJQJ<A@<Default Paragraph Font2>@2Title$5CJOJQJ2B@2 Body Text CJOJQJc0!  hdc+23Y\*-.rbdefgh  " . / ] ^ 01_`CdJbe!x!=!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!U!U!U!-.rbdefgh  " . / ] ^ 01_`CdJbe     hh h h h hh@/ / /      JC |0JCPUnknown Ben SIlliman $1 e#O]L P e Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4involve.doc Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4involve.doc Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4involve.doc 1ZdvFGv v4@}vNC>j4v|J v8!v(v5?vp7`AvudKv hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( 88OJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( N|J 4@}5?(1Zdp7`AFGudK48! @ ̚t h,.78Aqr}Labikwx 4cdfhlmZ `     6 R  ! " , / i - / : ; ? \ ^ w 0 < F I \ { } bcP@Q@P@Q@Q0Pz0Q|0Q~0Q0Q0Px@Pz@Q0Q1P@Q:1QL1QN1Q`1PD@Q1Qh@Q1Q1Q2Q2Q2Q2Q2Q2P@Q2Q@Q 3Qj3P@Q3Q@Q3Q3Q3Q3Q@Q3Q@Q@Q3Q3Q3QP4Q\4Pt4Q4Q4Q4Q.5P@P5P@Q5Q@Q5P.@P5Qr6Q6Q6Qj7Qv7P@Q7Q7QX8Qd8Q8P8Q8Q 9QX9QD@QH@Qv:Q:Q:PJ@Q:Q;Q ;Q;Q`<P@Q=Q=Q =Q(=P@Q@Q2@QAQ AQAQAQAQAQAQAQ:BQ>BQRBQpBQBQCQ4CPFCPHCP@P(@GTimes New Roman5Symbol3& ArialCFComic Sans MS;Wingdings"qh 9fo 9f 7I"$>0^ L Connectedness Ben SIlliman Ben SIllimanG $Pbjbjَ Dc]666666T l6$t6h 660h h h (66J"l"6666h &h R66L RRoot Entry F %~ھL6@1Table" WordDocument1DSummaryInformation(  9:!#$%&'()*+,-./0257X;<=>?@CDEFGHIJKLMNDocumentSummaryInformation8CompObjj0TableB  FMicrosoft Word Document MSWordDocWord.Document.89q՜.+,D՜.+,L hp  Information Technologyn"j Connectedness Title 6> _PID_GUIDAN{A2A4F9A5-465D-11D3-BF85-004033D905CE}Oh+'0  4 @ L Xdlt|Connectednessoonn Ben SIllimanoen  Normal.dotn Ben SIllimano4n Microsoft Word 8.0@2 @Cھ@se when friendships or service ceases to complement couple time and begins to replace couple priorities. Physical or mental health are compromised, including increased distress and violence. While some activities (i.e., engaging in violent activities or w   U LM0Q7OP|0h & F & F/ =!"#$%ress friendships and assistance, block parties and work days, neighborhood advocacy and improvementHow Strong Marriages Benefit the CommunityVital and involved couples benefit peers, youth, and others throughCredibilitygenuine companionship of caring and enjoying life together, in spite of setbacks and stresses& and willingness to share those strengths with othersStabilityconsistency, calm, and confidence flowing from a stable, caring bondSupportavailability, encouragement,and d which are more likely to flow from persons secure in their relationship and more efficient as household partners Service: formal and informal involvement in making a difference with individuals and the community How ommunity Involvement Benefits Couplesvolved partners and couples benefit from reaching out to others through Support: Companionship, emotional and practical assistance from others involved in organizational or volunteer efforts; gratitude and fellowship from those beingEfficacy: Increases in skills used and learned in helping (technical abilities to coping skills) and in confidence and control from making a difference Time Together/During and After: For couple activities, opportunities to share time, get to know a partner in another setting/task; For individual or couple settings, reflecting on experiences together ways which may clarify outlook, values, abilities, and impactTime Apart: Especially for individuals, involvement with others which expands perspective and skills, provides additional friendship and support, and demands skills not needed at home all take pressure off the relationship as a singular source of activity and supportWhen Involvement "Works" and When it Does Notatching violent media) may arise directly from contacts beyond the couple, many result from lack of quality time together and the tensions of competing loyalties and unfulfilled commitments.ExercisesCompare notes with your partner on formal activities--rec [$@$NormalmH <@< Heading 1$@&5CJOJQJ<A@<Default Paragraph Font2>@2Title$5CJOJQJ2B@2 Body Text CJOJQJ0! h+23Y\*-.rbdefgh  " . / ] ^ >#UV!x!=!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!U!U!U!-.rbdefgh  " . / ]      hh h  h hb= |08PUnknown Ben SIlliman $1go#O]L P k s  Ben SIllimanA:\4socsupp.doc Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4involve.doc Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4involve.doc 1ZdvFGv4@}vNC>j4v|J v8!v(v5?vp7`AvudKv hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( 88OJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( N|J 4@}5?(1Zdp7`AFGudK48! @^ ^ ̚t^ ^ h,.78Aqr}Labikwx 4cdfhlmZ `     6 R  ! " , / i - / : ; ? \ P@Q@P@Q@Q0Pz0Q|0Q~0Q0Q0Px@Pz@Q0Q1P@Q:1QL1QN1Q`1PD@Q1Qh@Q1Q1Q2Q2Q2Q2Q2Q2P@Q2Q@Q 3Qj3P@Q3Q@Q3Q3Q3Q3Q@Q3Q@Q@Q3Q3Q3QP4Q\4Pt4Q4Q4Q4Q.5P@P5P@Q5Q@Q5P.@P5Qr6Q6Q6Qj7Qv7P@Q7Q7QX8Qd8Q8P8Q8Q 9QX9QD@QH@Qv:Q:Q:PJ@Q:Q;Q ;Q;Q`<P@Q=Q=Q =Q(=P@P(@GTimes New Roman5Symbol3& ArialCFComic Sans MS;Wingdings"qh 9fZ 9f 7Ew$>0 L Connectedness Ben SIlliman Ben SIllimanreation, volunteer service, and organizational involvement--which you share in common. Some of these interests or commitments may encompass activities or settings that brought you together in the first place. Identify one or two which have meaning to both of you--these you may want to do together (teach a community class, coach a youth team, serve meals to Seniors, work on a housing or wildlife project). Then discuss activities which are unique interests for each of you. Describe why you like to do them, how much time, money, and energy they are likely to take (impact on the relationship), and what kind of support you will need (i.e., travel and practical help may require extensive commitment for a runner or biker-partner; less is needed for a person giving time to a local school reading program). This will help a partner understand why it is important and what it might contribute to your life and relationships. Agree on expectations for partner support and check regularly on how each feels about ongoing arrangements. Limit external activities in order to gain quality time with both partner and outside interests.  N8U:U$Z&ZZ>0 L Connectedness Ben SIlliman Ben SIlliman [$@$NormalmH <@< Heading 1$@&5CJOJQJ<A@<Default Paragraph Font2>@2Title$5CJOJQJ2B@2 Body Text CJOJQJ0!  h+"23Y\*-.rbdefgh  " . / ] ^ GjkuvKL#$%t!x!=!x!x!x@Ru!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!U!U!U!-.rbdefgh  " . / ] ^ GjkuvKL#$%t     hh h h h hh@/ / / /  /  /  / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / kZ |0NZ.PUnknown Ben SIlliman $16>#O]L P '1Yi Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4involve.doc Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4involve.doc Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4involve.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4involve.docSv1ZdvFGv v4@}vNC>j4v|J v8!v(vP0-v5?vp7`AvudKv hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( 88OJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo(N|J 4@}5?(1Zdp7`AFGudK48! 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" , / i - / : ; ? \ ^ w 0 < F I \ { } +8+BCFT  1k~)67/E!hijktvaJKLRcjpqt%2^w!"#$0@1@0@1@100z01|01~010100x@0z@10110@1:11L11N11`10D@111h@11111212121212120@121@1 31j30@131@131313131@131@1@1313131P41\40t41414141.50@050@151@150.@051r616161j71v70@17171X81d81808181 91X91D@1H@1v:1:1:0J@1:1;1 ;1;1`<0@1=1=1 =1(=0@1@12@1A1 A1A1A1A1A1A1A1:B1>1111(111D100E0E111012081ճ1G101*1H1H111I0I0I1I0I101Դ1J1J111K0L1L1141111$1&10vL Connectedness Ben SIlliman Ben SIllimanG 4Pbjbjَ ^]6OOOOOd!$!$!$!$ -$$  96$$$$$$$$g/i/i/i/i/i/i/$@:4<t/} O$$$$$/?%OO$$e$0?%?%?%$(O$O$g/c""OOOO$g/?%&?%e)).OOg/$Q$* !$$E/"Root Entry F %~ھ*o@1Table" WordDocumentj^SummaryInformation(  9: 8#$%&'()*+,-./0A;<=>?80<  FMicrosoft Word Document MSWordDocWord.Document.89q՜.+,D՜.+,L hp  Information Technologyn"j Connectedness Title 6> _PID_GUIDAN{A2A4F9A5-465D-11D3-BF85-004033D905CE}Oh+'0  4 @ L Xdlt|Connectednessoonn Ben SIllimanoen  Normal.dotn Ben SIllimano5n Microsoft Word 8.0@k@Cھ@@蒙