ࡱ> 8\9Oh+'0  4 @ L Xdlt|Connectednessoonn Ben SIllimanoen  Normal.dotn Ben SIllimano4n Microsoft Word 8.0@ @Cھ@΂@FzwTemplates<@P@ ՜.+,D՜.+,L hp  Information Technologynj Connectedness Title 6> _PID_GUIDAN{A2A4F9A5-465D-11D3-BF85-004033D905CE} Connectedness Building a Network of Support While family and friends from far and wide show up for a wedding, for many couples marriage is a declaration of independence: others expect them to make it on their own. Asking for financial or practical help or emotional support is, for many, admitting immaturity or failure. In fact, routine needs as well as crises and mutual enjoyment as well as mutual help are traditionalalthough often forgottenelements of adult relationships. This support is especially critical in the first three stressful years of marriage as most couples make major life transitions. Social Support: A Web of Interdependence While partners often view each other as best friends and most reliable sources of support, all relationships grow in settings which offer stress or support: Critical or caring in-laws, friends, co-workers, or neighbors, Neighborhoods, clubs, faith communities can impose demands or provide warmth, belonging, and help as needed Institutions such as hospitals, stores, libraries, schools, and government can increase stress through red tape or provide support via personalized service When the social network of family, friends, neighborhood, organizations, institutions, and community are plentiful and helpful, couples are more likely to thrive. When couples are isolated from or hurt by their setting, they suffer. Couples can not only be affected by stressful or supportive climates, they can shape the climate for a whole community by: Providing encouragement and balance against the stressors of work or home Supporting each others community involvement Encouraging or mentoring other couples Providing a safe, supportive place for their childrens peers or neighborhood Children and teens Social Support: Many Ways to Help Social support describes a variety of help and caring activities: Emotional support: companionship, reassurance, confidential listening, care Practical support: direct aid (loans, gifts); informal aid such as handyman help Informational support: information, advice, or feedback Strengths: traits and interaction The qualities which describe what the family believes, how members interact, and ways they meet expected and unexpected challenges Commitment: pride, loyalty, mutual cooperation, persistence in keeping promises Time Together: closeness, shared activities/traditions, encouraging individuals Appreciation: expressions of love and support, practical assistance, respect Communication: clear/open sharing, empathy, problem solving, conflict resolution Spiritual Values: moral/ethical standards, belief in Higher Power, hope Coping Skills: optimism and mutual support, humor, wise use of resources Parent/couple strengths: mutual respect and cooperation, affection and warmth, cooperative problem solving with children Transition and ongoing support: parent/family acceptance of growth and change through teen and young adult years; acceptance of partner, children; adult-to-adult exchange reinforcing strengths of growing up experiences Strains: Challenges to family stability and strength External: limited or inadequate income, social isolation or discrimination, natural disaster Internal: medical crisis or disability of family member, family conflict (chronic hostility, domestic or sibling violence), child abuse (physical, verbal/emotional, sexual) or neglect (permissive parenting, lack of warmth, failure to meet physical/medical needs), addiction (to substances, gambling, work) Living with the Legacies of Family-of-Origin Growing and Healing Learning from experience/being your own person Positive experiences and role models are advantageous for partners in establishing their own partnerships. At the same time, all couples must Appreciate the difference between what is recalled and what actually happened (i.e., recognize sentiment, inaccurate memories) Develop strategies for building strengths which work for self/partner personalities and interests, new times settings (experiences and examples need to be adapted to circumstances of the present) Work at their relationships themselves (continuous and creative efforts to build todays relationship) Accept and enjoy parents or kin today (rather than value or continue to see them as the role models they were yesterday) Getting beyond hurt or blame Disappointments and conflicts with parents or other family members can extend into adulthood. Even after contact has been lost/cut off, wounds can disable one partner or feed a cycle of hurt with a mate. These dilemmas are especially painful for individuals from abusive families. Steps that can help partners help themselves or each other get beyond the effects or cycles of hurt include: Therapy and/or personal reflection which aids understanding, affirms and supports personal worth, and teaches healthy patterns of interacting. Mentoring relationships with older adults who can guide and support in ways that parents were unable to do. Communication training and enrichment activities with a partner who can help develop positive couple and family experiences in a current relationship. Developed by Ben Silliman, University of Wyoming Cooperative Extension Service Family Life Specialist ,e  I Z  vwP:;A,BDDKKNN CJOJQJOJQJ6CJOJQJ CJOJQJ5CJOJQJ5,-de,l*xyd e + Z   I  & F$,-de,l*xyd e + Z   I  B  e K¿žxpmP    2          O     :;9  '  B  e K }" & F & F & F & F & F }"1\| wvwſ   G    r      2      O  DDxEJKNN & F  [$@$NormalmH <@< Heading 1$@&5CJOJQJ<A@<Default Paragraph Font2>@2Title$5CJOJQJ2B`2 Body Text CJOJQJw:    ww "ww !)y+3Wcy Ben SIlliman-C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4foo.asd Ben SIlliman A:\4foo.doc Ben SIlliman-C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4foo.asd Ben SIlliman-C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4foo.asd Ben SIlliman-C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4foo.asd Ben SIlliman-C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4foo.asd Ben SIlliman A:\4foo.doc Ben SIlliman-C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4foo.asd Ben SIlliman-C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4foo.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4socsupp.doc1ZdvFGv4@}vNC>j|J v(v5?vp7`Av hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( 88OJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo(N|J 4@}5?(1Zdp7`AFG@AAAAwP@GTimes New Roman5Symbol3& ArialCFComic Sans MS;Wingdings"qhK8&K8& 7$$>0L Connectedness Ben SIlliman Ben SIlliman [$@$NormalmH <@< Heading 1$@&5CJOJQJ<A@<Default Paragraph Font2>@2Title$5CJOJQJ2B@2 Body Text CJOJQJ:! 8,-de,lA{|Bq`678UV ( , - Z [ m $%t!x!=!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!U!U!U!,-lA{|Bq678UV ( , - Z [ m $%teeeeeeeeeeeeee77 7 7 7 77@ Z Z  Z  Z  Z  Z  N "DN&wUnknown Ben SIlliman (16>BJ: B  Ben SIlliman-C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4foo.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4socsupp.doc Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4socsupp.doc Ben SIllimanA:\4socsupp.doc1ZdvFGv4@}vNC>j|J v(v5?vp7`Av hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( 88OJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo(N|J 4@}5?(1Zdp7`AFG@ ̚t CJ @ CJCJ & F??FC$Eƀ5GCJOJQJmH b'F5GCJOJQJmH p ,678TUVcefklms    2 ; B C P y z ' ( A C M N V j k m n {  =   + , - g z {   Y Z [ '`gm  $&w  p#$%st1@0@0@0X@1:1,:1@0L:1>1:000>1:00:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1;1;1;01;1;1;1<1 <1 <1@<1R<1`<1b<1|<1<1<1<0<1=14=18=1B=1b=1n=0*>1,>1^>1b>1v>1x>1>1>1>1>1>1>1?0(@ 1?1?1D@1?1?1P@1@12A16A0A0A1A1A1B0@ 0,B1.B1B1B1B1B1B1B1B1C0D0D1D0@ 0D1D1E1FE1^E0vE1xE1@1E1E1E1F1F0X@1F1~@1F1VG1xG1G1G0@1G1&@1H1H1H1H1^I1nI0@1I1@1I1I1J0J0@0K1 0@0N00@00@GTimes New Roman5Symbol3& ArialCFComic Sans MS;Wingdings"qhK8& 9f 7Dw$>06L Connectedness Ben SIlliman Ben SIllimanG $wbjbjَ P]666666zt $)6DDDDDDDDD!F!F!F!F!F!F!$:*.,tj!6DDDDDj!66DD0D(6D6DD!Jb6666DD! 66D!D`:lF.!Root Entry F %~ھ:@1Table,WordDocument6PSummaryInformation(  H !"#$&'()*+,-./0123457[;<?@ABCDEF>JKLMNOPQRSTUV  FMicrosoft Word Document MSWordDocWord.Document.89q՜.+,D՜.+,L hp  Information Technologynj Connectedness Title 6> _PID_GUIDAN{A2A4F9A5-465D-11D3-BF85-004033D905CE}Oh+'0  4 @ L Xdlt|Connectednessoonn Ben SIllimanoen  Normal.dotn Ben SIllimano4n Microsoft Word 8.0@ @Cھ@΂@Fzw,e  I Z  vwP:;A,BDDKK CJOJQJOJQJ6CJOJQJ CJOJQJ5CJOJQJ5/ =!"#$%parent support groups, Cultivating Support Networks In a society of self-reliance, privacy, and mobility, support networks are difficult to create or sustain. Support networks tend to work best when they:Begin with simple, practical exchanges: car pooling or trading of time and talents make easier points-of-entry than weekly cook-outs or 24-hour crisis counseling Balance costs and benefits: especially at first, equity in practical help or depth of self-disclosure reinforces autonomy, privacy, and self-reliance Involve everyday settings: friendships or helping come easier when people share common needs and points-of-contact such as neighborhood, school, or commitment to a voluntary organizationBenefit the coupleindividual friendships or commitments may strengthen couple life by enriching individual capacity to give, offering fresh perspective, or offering resources that benefit both partners; they can also make demands or entail commitments which compete with couple time and goals How Much Support is about Right? Different personalities, circumstances, and stress demands determine how much and what kind of support is enough for each couple. When external connections leave partners with little time for each other or foster dependency or low esteem, social networks produce more negative than positive results. Support Skills: How to be a Help and Get Help Appropriate support requires a variety of feedback responses, including: Empathic listeningmost of the time, the most important ability to focus on another s feelings and ideas in a way that conveys understanding and reReassuring and supportingoffering encouragement and expressing confidence in the other person s abilities and efforts reinforces their courage and conscienceQuestioning and probingsometimes seeking for more information or insight (about issues or persons) helps in understanding or problem solving; if trust is established, questioning is seen as caring not as intrusion or criticismAnalyzing or interpretingat another person s invitation, analyzing may aid the problem-solving process; otherwise it sounds like judging or advice-giving Advising or Evaluating: very close friends may be able to offer advice with confidence, but most often persons want to evaluate events for themselves DDxEJK & F"1\| wvwN::=,>AA.BDD & F & F h & F & F hh [$@$NormalmH <@< Heading 1$@&5CJOJQJ<A@<Default Paragraph Font2>@2Title$5CJOJQJ2B@2 Body Text CJOJQJ:!!7,-de,lA{|Bq`67TU ' + , Y Z l #$!!!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!U!U!lA{|Bq67TU ' + , Y Z l #$eeeeeeeeeeeeee77 7 7 7 77@ Z Z  Z  Z  Z  Z  K "DK&wUnknown Ben SIlliman (15=BJ9 A  Ben SIlliman-C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4foo.asd Ben SIlliman-C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4foo.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4socsupp.doc Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 4socsupp.asd Ben SIllimanA:\4socsupp.doc1ZdvFGv4@}vNC>j|J v(v5?vp7`Av hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( 88OJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo( hhOJQJo(N|J 4@}5?(1Zdp7`AFG@ t  & F??FC$Eƀ5GCJOJQJmH b'F5GCJOJQJmH 7STUbdejklr    1 : A B O x y & ' @ B L M U i j l m z  <    * + , f y z ~  X Y Z &_fl  #%v  o"#$0@1:1,:1@0L:1>1:01:00:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1;1;1;01;1;1;1<1 <1 <1@<1R<1`<1b<1|<1<1<1<0<1=14=18=1B=1b=1n=0*>1,>1^>1b>1v>1x>1>1>1>1>1>1>1?0(@1?1?1D@1?1?1P@1@12A16A0A0A1A1A1B0@0,B1.B1B1B1B1B1B1B1B1C0D0D1D0@0D1D1E1FE1^E0vE1xE1@1E1E1E1F1F0X@1F1~@1F1VG1xG1G1G0@1G1&@1H1H1H1H1^I1nI0@1I1@1I1I1J0J0@0K0 0@00@GTimes New Roman5Symbol3& ArialCFComic Sans MS;Wingdings"qhK8&HL8& 7Cw$>0L Connectedness Ben SIlliman Ben SIllimanG wbjbjَ N]666666zTBBBB N$A6$wkt)6$ 660$ $ $ (66Jb6666$ Z$ ~ 866r@tBFRoot Entry F %~ھ@^@1TableWordDocumentWNSummaryInformation(  =H !"#$%?@ABCDEFG>JKLMNOPQRSTUVX[_]DocumentSummaryInformation8CompObjj0TableI