ࡱ> UStabilization Communication Transformation Couple Growth Processes: use Broderick s five functions Cultivating Couple Life: use Imber-Black s purposes Enriching Couple Rituals: use Isley-Clark s elements of rituals (PFIs) The least frequent and most spontaneous rituals are daily/weekly/monthly patterns. Their consistency and predictability sets the pace for family interaction, but may not even be noticed until they are violated because they are such strong habits. Creativity Couple Rituals: Refreshment, not Rut By definition, a ritual is an activity that is repeated regularly. Couple rituals range from simple routines like getting up at the same time to elaborately planned dates and vacations to traditions of acting on impulse and enjoying a spontaneous eventyes, even staying open to fresh experiences is part of a pattern! Doing the same ol, same ol so easily turns special events into a boring or burdensome routine. Thus, many of us come to think of rituals as ruts in which our relationship is stuck, rather than refreshing patterns by which we can bring novelty, as well as order, to life together. Examples include dinner and bedtime routines, treatment of guests, leisure activities, discipline of children, and greetings Functions include defining members roles and responsibilities Wherever family patterns seem to be disorganized, create a PFI Ex: KOh+'0  0 < H T`hpx Creativityrea Ben SIllimanoen  Normal.dotn Ben SIllimano9n Microsoft Word 8.0@p! @@q@5@HyPOFFICE>AzO :i+00/C:\0U 01՜.+,D՜.+,L hp  Information Technologyy( 4j  Creativity Title 6> _PID_GUIDAN{91A615E3-554D-11D3-BF85-004033D905CE}0U [$@$NormalmH <A@<Default Paragraph Font.>`.Title$ CJOJQJ8J`8Subtitle$5CJOJQJ2B`2 Body Text CJOJQJ  Ben SIllimanA:\5ritual1.doc@#0@GTimes New Roman5Symbol3& ArialCFComic Sans MS"qhj8fx8f$~0c Creativity Ben SIlliman Ben SIlliman01Djl+00155@P@@@2DJfKKKnLL M*M0MPUUVV^6CJOJQJCJ CJOJQJOJQJ6CJOJQJ CJOJQJ%01Djl+00155@P@@@2DJfKKKnLL M*M0MPUUVV^$c4cccrd56CJOJQJ6CJOJQJCJ CJOJQJOJQJ6CJOJQJ CJOJQJ* 01 "Rz8VX0x & F h&d(d$d&d & F & Fids boredom or conflict after school/before dinner can be reduced by setting/checking times for adults to hear about their day, for kids to do homework, and for kids to help with dinner and setting the table. Ex: Couples who feel that time together is eroding due to childcare can schedule a date, arrange for a spontaneous babysitter, or move bedtime hours up by 15-30 minutes. Types of Family Rituals (continued) Family celebrations Major events which mark remembrances and changes special to the family, but shared within the cultures and having parallels across cultures. Because they are major gathering events and carry strong emotions, they can become associated with bonding and emotional hurts related to past events or future expectations. Examples include rites of passage such as entering kindegarten, graduation, baptism, bar-mitzpah, weddings, funerals, as well as secular and religious holiday celebrations) Celebrations serve to strengthen family identity, value and support individual members, and create a personalized celebration of cultural values and rituals Wherever celebrations have become tedious or routine, celebrate by Giving special recognition or roles to individuals (i.e., children blow out candles, look for matzah at Passover, receive a special ring) Telling stories and practicing special events (i.e., candle lighting, walks, singing, etc.) which explains the meaning of the celebration then allow each member to tell what it means to him/her  Daily, seasonal, or special occasion habits or events which may be common to families across a culture but are celebrated in a particular way in each family. Examples of traditions include practices such as vacations, visits with extended families, birthday/anniversary customs, parties with special food or music. Practices which solve practical problems include family councils,  time outs, and sleeping arrangements for returning young adults.When family traditions lose relevance or interest Give them up (i.e., teens might dread a hired clown appearing at their birthday parties) Transform them into something more appropriate (i.e., costume party for teens) Invent something which fits the occasion (i.e., tickets to a concert) -- xD>!x""$%&|).**X+Z+ & F8 h8 & F h & F8 h8 & F8 h8 & F h & Fh & F8 h8 & F hZ+\+^+`+f+h+j+l+00155\8p82<>@@P@f@@@@@@$d&d $$d&d & F h & F [$@$NormalmH <`< Heading 1$@&5CJOJQJ<A@<Default Paragraph Font.>`.Title$ CJOJQJ8J`8Subtitle$5CJOJQJ2B`2 Body Text CJOJQJ!  $ 01 +& h 5 V 0>!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!<!k!=!=!=!=!= 01 +& h 5 V 0>MN                   _   l+xZ+l+Unknown Ben SIlliman-1Q \ w ~  kvemF n  Ben SIllimanA:\5ritual1.doc Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd"GzGv'`.Title$ CJOJQJ8J`8Subtitle$5CJOJQJ2B`2 Body Text CJOJQJ!  U$$ 01 +& 4 5 b  / ? F M S V u y !"%+1CTk -/0LMNt0@01X1Z1111$1<1b11111.1P1X1Z1t0 @0" @100111>1@1111141^1n11 1&01011>1@0v01111111111 1"1n11110 11R1T1000111*0B0P1D1j1l1n1x111111011 1 1 1 1 040c Creativity Be without nurture is like waiting for a garden to produce fruit without effort: the weeds do fine, the fruit is smaller and more sparse than expected. Healthy couples and families encourage growth through five key processes: Relating interacting, caring, Developed by Ben Silliman, University of Wyoming Cooperative Extension Service Family Life SpecialistStructure in a free-flowing society  h 5 V<TUyz{E!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!U!U!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!<!k!=!=!=!=!= 01 +& h 5 V<TUyz{E                   _   1xZ+1Unknown Ben SIlliman-In the midst of fast-paced, free-flowing opportunities (distractions, temptations), children and adults need predictable, slower-paced events to reunite, restore, and regenerate. While too much order and activity can be stifling, too little fosters confusion and insecurity. Quality time together need not be planned to the second but intentionally planning times together and filling them with fun, cooperation, and meaning can refresh both children and adults.  consistency in day-to-day activities related 1Q \ w ~  .3chemF n  Ben SIllimanA:\5ritual1.doc Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd"GzGv'`.Title$ CJOJQJ8J`8Subtitle$5CJOJQJ2B`2 Body Text CJOJQJ!!! $$ 01 +& h 5 V,wx T!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!v:!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!U!k!=!=!=!= 01 +& h 5 V,wx T                    hOJQJo( hhOJQJo(iZqo xSO'1@1111141^1n11 1&01011>1@0v01111111111 1"1n11110 11R1T1000111*0B0P1D1j1l1n1x111111011 1 1 1 1 04c Creativity Ben SIlliman Ben SIlliman [$@$NormalmH <`< >40c Creativity Ben SIlliman Ben SIlliman [$@$NormalmH <`< Heading 1$@&5CJOJQJH`H Heading 2$$$d&d@& CJOJQJD`D Heading 3$$d&d@& CJOJQJ<A@<Default Paragraph Font.>`.Title$ CJOJQJ8J`8Subtitle$5CJOJQJ2B`2 Body Text CJOJQJ!!! $$  01 +& h 5 V,wxPQop{!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=       @xZ+@@!Unknown Ben SIlliman-1Q \ w ~  =BsxemF n  Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIllimanA:\5ritual1.docy?hv"GzGv'1@1111141^1n11 1&01011>1@0v01111111111 1"1n11110 11R1T1000111*0B0P1D1j1l1n1x111111011 1 1 1 1 0:1H:1R:1^:1d:1j:1p:1t:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1;1;1 ;1;1;1";1$;1*;12;1>;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1<1<1<1<1<1&<0.<12<1:<1<<1<1<1X=1=0>1>1>1>1>1>1>1?1?0 @0@10 1@10 0N@1P@1\@1`@0d@1f@1l@1n@1r@1|@1@1@1@1@0@0@0@110@0@0100@1010d+0f+0h+0$ @ GTimes New Roman5Symbol3& ArialCFComic Sans MS"qhj8f8Fc8&iu )$ Heading 1$@&5CJOJQJH`H Heading 2$$$d&d@& CJOJQJD`D Heading 3$$d&d@& CJOJQJ<A@<Default Paragraph Font.>`.Title$ CJOJQJ8J`8Subtitle$5CJOJQJ2B`2 Body Text CJOJQJ!!!kt 01 +& h 5 V,wx!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x!x 01 +& h 5 V,wx                        PxZ+@ MP!'Unknown Ben SIlliman-1Q \ w ~  emF n  Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!v:!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!U!k!=!v:!=!=!k!(!<!<!<!k!k!k!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!=!k 01 +& h 5 V,wxPQop{                              (rr(0MxZ+@ M0M!'Unknown Ben SIlliman-1Q \ w ~   emF n do  Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIlliman1C:\WINDOWS\TEMP\AutoRecovery save of 5ritual1.asd Ben SIllimanA:\5ritual1.doc Ben SIllimanA:\5ritual1.doc y?hv"GzGv'1@1111141^1n11 1&01011>1@0v01111111111 1"1n11110 11R1T1000111*0B0P1D1j1l1n1x111111011 1 1 1 1 0:1H:1R:1^:1d:1j:1p:1t:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1:1;1;1 ;1;1;1";1$;1*;12;1>;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1;1<1<1<1<1<1&<0.<12<1:<1<<1<1<1X=1=0>1>1>1>1>1>1>1?1?0 @0@ 10 1@10 0N@1P@1\@1`@0d@1D0.D00D12D1D1D1D1D1E1BE1ZE1E1F1 F1F1F0F1G1G1G1G1G1H0^H1`H1rH1tH1I1I1I12I0PI0RI1TI1fI0hI0jI1lI1I0I0I1I1I1I1I0I1I1I1I06J0@ 18J1JJ1LJ1ZJ0J1J1J1J1J0dK0fK1hK1tK1vK0zK1|K1K1K0.L10L1nL1L0M0 M1 M0 M1"M180(M0*M1d10,M0.MGTimes New Roman5Symbol3& ArialCFComic Sans MS"qhj8f8Fc8&iu )$>4 cng, and talking together about decisions and options in Growth ProcessesCouple life, like a garden, takes regular care and cultivation to grow. Each individual must find particular and creative ways to say,  I love you, through the words and actions of everyday life. Expecting a relationship to grow without nurture is like waiting for a garden to produce fruit without effort: the weeds do fine, the fruit is smaller and more sparse than expected. Healthy couples and families encourage growth through five key processes: RelatingInteracting, caring, enjoying positive togetherness and time to self. Actions which promote couple growth include: Affirming finding verbal and non-verbal expressions of care and gratitude for a partner s uniqueness and sharing of life daily  warm fuzzies like compliments and gratitude, special notice and attention when a concern arises, understanding of feelings, or helping with cleanup or babysitting and special occasion recognition such as flowers or ,telling of positive tales and traits (rather than complaining to friends about faults)Affirming is important to the receiver because it verbalizes what is often taken for granted appreciation for the uniqueness, specialness, and value as a person by someone who knows him/her best. Regular affirmations build a reservoir of trust and aff>44 c Creativity Ben SIlliman Ben SIlliman [$@$NormalmH <`< Heading 1ection that increases openness and simple problem solving and cushions against stress or conflict. Exercises: Develop a list of ways you can make your partner feel special, then interview him/her and ask for additional ways (comparing the lists may help you understand how well you understand him/her. 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